Feel So Close - Calvin Harris

This track is unbelievably catchy. I don't tend to enjoy a lot of mainstream music but this song is very good indeed, and is the clip of the day. Enjoy! or don't.

How to lose weight.

I am absolutly sick of the sheer number of completely ridiculous diets that are around today. The mistake that so many make is the assumption that if they are overwieght, but take some magical combination of banana milkshakes and red coloured foods they will become slim and safe to once again resort to their previous lifestyle without a worry. Staying slim and keeping fit requires a change in lifestyle that most are unwilling to undertake. The solution is simple but it needs to be maintained.

1. BALANCED diet. If your fat, your diet is imbalanced in favour of fatty foods, meaning you must enjoy fatty foods. This is something your going to have to foresake, there is no way around it. Open your mind up to new and exotic foods and eat a good proper salad! If you don't like vegetables or fruits, grimace eat them anyway. I hate tomatos and mushrooms, I still eat them. 
2. EXCERCISE!...And lots of it. You have no idea how effective it is. Really really push yourself. The worst mistake to make is to reward a hard workout with suger and fatty foods. If you decide to go to a gym great, go as often as you possibly can. This is about you having a great and fit body, so fuck everything and grab the goal by the balls.

...and if you cba, or enjoy the way you are, good for you. Makes fuck all difference to me, :P

Top 10 Jokes of the Day

1. I had a parcel delivered and it was covered in drool and crayon.
   
   That's the last time I pay for a special delivery. 
2.  What does Asda have in common with Down's Syndrome?
   
   Not a great selection of jeans
3. If I had a pound for every animal I'd molested...
   
   ...I'd be much more inclined to molest animals.   
4. I've just been diagnosed with a tumour. I was horrified at first, but it;s starting to grow on me
5. My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.
   
   To be honest, I should have seen the signs. 
6. I got fucked in the ear the other day.
   
   Since then I've had hearing aids.  
7. Did you hear about the short-sighted circumciser?
   
   He got the sack. 
8. I fucked a dwarf tonight.
   
   It was my first time, but I won't be making a hobbit of it.  
9. If you tell an Hermaphrodite to go fuck themselves, is it an insult, or merely a request?
10.  In a bathroom today, I saw a hole in the wall...
    
    Took me back to my glory days

Hide and Seek

This song is absolutly beautiful, and not as well known as the remixed version by Jason Derulo. The fact that there are no instruments, drum beat etc, seems to add an extra element of depth unique to this track. Thus it is the clip of the day, 'Hide and Seek' by Imogen Heap. Enjoy.

Are humans and Animals equal?

This question encompasses a large spectrum of factors-not all of which can be regarded here. In order to provide a sufficient answer I must break it down into its base, key constituents. In terms of physical prowess, clearly humans bear no significant advantages; our eyesight is mediocre, our sense of smell is comparably useless next that of other species. We cannot run particularly fast, cannot fly, and are not particularly strong. In fact when it boils down to our physical attributes, compared to most animals we seem quite pathetic, and therefore incline me to say that animals are in fact better than humans, as this video demonstrates

It is quite a daunting prospect to know that my dog can see, hear, and smell better than I can, and yet, I am its master. This seems due to the fact that the human species has one key attribute that seems to be unique to only our kind on this planet, and that is the extent of our intelligence.

Our cognitive capacity provides us with the ability to outsmart our stronger animal peers. It also provides a means for humans to work together, allowing for strength through numbers, and that is through our capacity for speech. We cannot deny that every species on this planet has some form of intercommunication, ranging from a complex array of hoots and howls to clicking and gestures. However, no species has yet to develop such abilities to the extent we have, that allow for such imaginative, abstract, philosophical aspects of mankind to be expressed.

Indeed, there may be those who would argue, “How do we know that other species are not as intelligent as us?” and “What is a true measure of intelligence?”. I do recognise that I view the matter from my own human ideal of what intelligence is, but while we have analysed, and witnessed some extraordinary feats of adaptability (in what could be argued as the 'illusion' of intelligence), when compared to the enormous adaptability and inventive of humans, it seems we are on a whole new threshold of comprehension. The depth at which we can interpret matters, solve problems, invent, adapt, learn and create; all being expressed through the medium of speech, inclines me to speculate that it is that which sets us apart, or above our fellow animals. What we can say for certain is that no other species has had such an extensive domination and restructuring of the planet than us, for good or bad.

'Sexy And I Know It' cover

One thing I love is when I hear an interesting and abstract interpretation on a piece of music, I love being suprised. This exactly how I felt when I heard this particular artist perform a cover of LMFAO's 'Sexy And I Know It', making it the clip of the day. It is funky as hell. Enjoy.

Top 10 jokes of the day

1. Dwarfism: it's a growing problem
2.  I stood in a park, wondering why a frizbee was getting larger and larger...and then it hit me
3. I farted in an elevator; it was wrong on so many levels
4. Abortion: It really brings out the child in you
5. I was eating a Granny Smith earlier....She didn't know what was going on but at least she was grateful
6. Your mum is so old, when I told her to act her age she died
7. Feminism: because not all women can be beautiful
8. I got a new ringtone today...I bleached my arse
9. Men who have 6 pack abs will protect them with a thick layer of fat
10. Anal sex: it's fucking shit

The Huun-Huur-Tu

This music is beautiful and you should like it. This mongolian band specialise in throat singing, and it is perfect to have on in the background. Here's a taster.

Heres a little story for you. The Teapot: Part 1

   I gawped, sweating and bare faced at the obscure object. The great sweltering palm of summer bore down on the area like a great fucking duvet of boiling asphyxiation, and I was in the middle of it.

Yellow is a hateful colour.

   A single tree loomed like a tiny sharp prick, prodding against the searing hot celestial sphere. I could imagine some gun-slinging cowboy galloping in the distance in a great Western saga. Of course, this would be viewed from the cool comforts of a living room sofa. I wonder how I would look right now to those comfortable bastards, finger on the remote like a trigger, interest in me only to see whether I’ll die of exhaustion or a bullet, and pull the trigger if neither occurs. The former seems more likely. From what I could tell, there was no source of shade or relief in my immediate surroundings, except for a largish boulder several feet away.  For me, these details were blurred in a hazy abstract that could rival Kandinsky.

   Removing a back-handful of sweat from my brow I again stared at the object upon which I had been fixating moments ago. What was before obscured by a veil of sweat and disbelief, I could confirm my earlier assumption that I was indeed staring at a china teapot. The likelihood of stumbling upon an object this well preserved and in a location so far removed from any form of life led me to believe it was subject to my disillusioned and tormented mind. I felt a bead of sweat run from my hair down my back.

   How much water can someone lose before delirium takes over?

   My mind swam with feverish contempt. I hated everyone on the planet on the basis that they were not here, suffering with me. I dropped to me knees, with all the grace a fat man has when dive-bombing a swimming pool, and edged close to the teapot. My God how it was vivid. For a simple projection of my mind it was beautifully detailed. Not that I like that sort of thing, I was just aware of the gold leave trimmings that betrayed the luxury of the object, and the detailed images of some kind of pink flower. I took one dirtied finger and pressed it against the porcelain surface. An intense heat greeted it with a kiss of agony that startled me and my senses. I noticed then that steam was emanating from the stout in ethereal wisps that soon dissipated.
    The teapot was real.

A quick snippet

Here is a snippet of the great, the wonderful and the average beardyman

I use firefox!

Apparently blogger no longer supports firefox. I'm staying with firefox.

Hit and Miss

Hello, this blog is new..but it will eventually be brilliant....or it won't. So stay and find out...or don't, I don't mind.